today

so today was such a wierd day...

cos for once i woke up at 7 for my balance class at paragon, usually am scrambling up at 8 and rushing like mad...

and the first time in a long time, i did NOT wake up with thoughts of you. but after the class... BOOM. it was an out of the body experience.. i saw your name on the text message and had to take a second look. a name i was so used to seeing but had not for quite a while (a whole month to be exact)

and then it started... flashes of you ALL over the place.

while walking to the bus stop from paragon, on the bus to millenia, at millenia, then walking from millenia back to city hall MRT and back home... everything reminded me of you...

and what i should've texted back was "yes baby, i've missed you too... a lot"

even when i reached home and took a 2 hour nap... somehow i could feel you next to me... that familiar warmth and scent... and the way you feel in my arms...

the line you used "but gotta cope with it" broke my heart... i really really hope u r happy baby. with the choices you have made and with whatever you have to reconcile for yourself.

i can say this now with all certainty: what i felt for you is no more... i never imagined this day would come... but i guess when you keep beating something down, it will die eventually. i just thought my love was stronger than that; guess not.

and i've stopped praying and hoping... i've learnt in this past month, hopes and wishes are truly and thoroughly poisonous and evil. to the point where i'm resistant and adverse to it.

missing you... still

how have you been baby? what have you been doing? are you happy?

i'm still missing you... lots... and really wondering if u r thinking about me too...

at brother's wedding

at brothers wedding dinner, as usual got all the girlfriend questions. and just seeing my brother's wedding photos n all the funny quips from the solemnisation n morning of the wedding day.... makes me miss u so much. especially the songs they are playing during the dinner. we'd look so gd n smart together... but, oh well. plus can't walk properly, so hobbling everywhere, wouldve been nice to hv my muscly stable mooks to hold onto n smile at n hold closer. miss u soooooooooo much

wimbledon

since 9.30 pm last night (it's 4.30 in the morning) been glued to the TV watching the wimbledon men's finals.it was thoroughly exciting and dramatic and nail-biting and excruciating to watch.... and the worst part was... that i couldn't share that with you. i have NEVER wanted to sms u so much.... and kept mentally slapping myself on the hand. especially every-time they cut to federer's girlfriend, my mind would ring super loudly with your voice with some snarky comment about buffets :)

how r u now baby? do u miss me too?

for good

wierd week. busy as always... then yesterday whilst i was shifting stuff around, a 1TB hard rive fell on my foot and slice a huge gash right across the top of it. soaked through half a towel before i could hobble across the road to get stitches and get 10 days off. then managed to download the musical wicked. someone got a video camera into the theatre and managed to get it on tape. was crying like mad watching... and when i heard this song, i just thought of you... and i miss u like crazy baby.

ELPHABA You're the only friend I've ever had.
GLINDA And I've had so many friends. But only one-- that mattered.

(sings)
I'VE HEARD IT SAID
THAT PEOPLE COME INTO OUR LIVES FOR A REASON
BRINGING SOMETHING WE MUST LEARN
AND WE ARE LED
TO THOSE WHO HELP US MOST TO GROW
IF WE LET THEM
AND WE HELP THEM IN RETURN
WELL, I DON'T KNOW IF I BELIEVE THAT'S TRUE
BUT I KNOW I'M WHO I AM TODAY
BECAUSE I KNEW YOU...

LIKE A COMET PULLED FROM ORBIT
AS IT PASSES A SUN

LIKE A STREAM THAT MEETS A BOULDER
HALFWAY THROUGH THE WOOD
WHO CAN SAY IF I'VE BEEN CHANGED FOR THE BETTER?
BUT BECAUSE I KNEW YOU
I HAVE BEEN CHANGED FOR GOOD …

ELPHABA IT WELL MAY BE

THAT WE WILL NEVER MEET AGAIN
IN THIS LIFETIME
SO LET ME SAY BEFORE WE PART
SO MUCH OF ME
IS MADE OF WHAT I LEARNED FROM YOU
YOU'LL BE WITH ME
LIKE A HANDPRINT ON MY HEART
AND NOW WHATEVER WAY OUR STORIES END
I KNOW YOU HAVE RE-WRITTEN MINE
BY BEING MY FRIEND...

LIKE A SHIP BLOWN FROM ITS MOORING
BY A WIND OFF THE SEA
LIKE A SEED DROPPED BY A SKYBIRD
IN A DISTANT WOOD
WHO CAN SAY IF I'VE BEEN CHANGED FOR THE BETTER?
BUT BECAUSE I KNEW YOU...

GLINDA BECAUSE I KNEW YOU...
BOTH BECAUSE I KNEW YOU, I HAVE BEEN CHANGED FOR GOOD...
ELPHABA AND JUST TO CLEAR THE AIR
I ASK FORGIVENESS
FOR THE THINGS I'VE DONE YOU BLAME ME FOR

GLINDA BUT THEN, I GUESS WE KNOW
THERE'S BLAME TO SHARE

BOTH AND NONE OF IT SEEMS TO MATTER ANYMORE
___

[They sing simultaneously]

GLINDA LIKE A COMET PULLED FROM ORBIT/AS IT PASSES A SUN/
LIKE A STREAM THAT MEETS A BOULDER/ HALF-WAY THROUGH THE WOOD

ELPHABA LIKE A SHIP BLOWN OFF ITS MOORING/BY A WIND OFF THE
SEA/ LIKE A SEED DROPPED BY A BIRD IN THE WOOD
___

BOTH WHO CAN SAY IF I'VE BEEN CHANGED FOR THE BETTER?
I DO BELIEVE I HAVE BEEN CHANGED FOR THE BETTER

GLINDA AND BECAUSE I KNEW YOU...

ELPHABA BECAUSE I KNEW YOU...

BOTH BECAUSE I KNEW YOU... I HAVE BEEN CHANGED FOR GOOD.

the weekend and KL

hullo bb :) thinking about u n missing u and wondering if u r ok.

this weekend was great and incredibly hard all at once...

left for KL on saturday with leonard and a member called angie to KL via coach. though it wasn't the very same one we took (from asia hotel) the fact that it was a trip with friends up to KL just triggered so many memories.

for one, it was to go catch one of the disney musicals that we both love. discount the fact that it wasn't good, we still would've enjoyed it. and the places we walked past... just brought back so much. the l'opera restaurant where we attempted to have dinner the night you felt really sick. that very junction right in front of lot 10 where we walked and crossed so many times. the zang toi cafe, the seed cafe (which has since closed down) and the "klinik" you went to...

plus the things i really wish you were right with me to share: the view of KLCC towers right at midnight. breathtaking. all the super yummy food we had in the short less-than-24-hours we 3 were there. the lovely hotel room (way better than equatorial). just having you there to share silly and nonsensical stuff...

i miss you so much baby.

got my check up in 2 weeks.

fridays...

used to be where we would literally watch the sun set on the day. hang out, catch a movie. go home and just snuggle like there's no tomorrow. 10is and then dinner/ supper.

i missed you especially today. had dinner with leo, serena, my sis (kel from nike) and a trainer who is in town plus another friend from hong kong... had a really good time catching up... but it's these times, especially. when i'm with friends that i want you with me... so you can know them better...

i miss your laugh, i miss your smile, your warmth, your grouchyness... especially since tomorrow i'm off to KL to catch beauty and the best, the musical... which i know without a doubt you will thoroughly enjoy, as much as i would...

"how was your day baby?"

"are you thinking about me and missing me too?"