today

so today was such a wierd day...

cos for once i woke up at 7 for my balance class at paragon, usually am scrambling up at 8 and rushing like mad...

and the first time in a long time, i did NOT wake up with thoughts of you. but after the class... BOOM. it was an out of the body experience.. i saw your name on the text message and had to take a second look. a name i was so used to seeing but had not for quite a while (a whole month to be exact)

and then it started... flashes of you ALL over the place.

while walking to the bus stop from paragon, on the bus to millenia, at millenia, then walking from millenia back to city hall MRT and back home... everything reminded me of you...

and what i should've texted back was "yes baby, i've missed you too... a lot"

even when i reached home and took a 2 hour nap... somehow i could feel you next to me... that familiar warmth and scent... and the way you feel in my arms...

the line you used "but gotta cope with it" broke my heart... i really really hope u r happy baby. with the choices you have made and with whatever you have to reconcile for yourself.

i can say this now with all certainty: what i felt for you is no more... i never imagined this day would come... but i guess when you keep beating something down, it will die eventually. i just thought my love was stronger than that; guess not.

and i've stopped praying and hoping... i've learnt in this past month, hopes and wishes are truly and thoroughly poisonous and evil. to the point where i'm resistant and adverse to it.